“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat!”
There is no such thing as a “dream job.” A better goal to pursue is a “sustainable and purposeful career.” In other words, a career that will keep you going because it fits into your value system and longer-term goals. Here’s my story and how to get started:
“At age 27, I earned my Ph.D. and landed what most academics (and I, at the time) would call a “dream job.” I was a marketing professor at a Big Ten business school, earning a six-figure salary. I worked with rock-star colleagues, visionary leaders, brilliant scholars, and enthusiastic students. But less than a year into the role, I was ready to quit.
Outside of my fancy new title, I had begun to feel empty. In just a few months, my identity had quite literally become “my job” and I lost sight of the many things that fulfilled me outside of it. I didn’t have time or energy for family and friends. Activities that brought me joy, like running and lacrosse, went out the window. I travelled for work instead of pleasure. I had no time to give back to my community.
Instead, I jotted down research ideas on bar napkins, replied to emails when everyone else was offline, and had a growing portfolio of projects in development. I didn’t know how to disconnect without feeling unproductive. For hours, I sat with my laptop in isolation, working on research that might never be published.
My institution didn’t expect me to work 70+ hours a week, but I did. I didn’t know how to work any other way. As one of the few Asian women on the faculty in the business school, I had something to prove. Underperforming was not an option and so I went above and beyond. To onlookers, and even sometimes to myself, I appeared to be thriving. But residing within me, was a deeper confusion (why wasn’t I genuinely happy?) and embarrassment (how could I be so ungrateful to have a prestigious job?)
In time, these questions pushed me to invest in therapy. After months of self-reflection, I saw the problem: Shortly after landing my dream job, I started to go through the motions. I did everything it took to hold the job but I didn’t bring my unique skills, passions, or background to the fore in a way that gave me purpose.
The things that came naturally to me — showing empathy and concern for others, motivating students to realize their potential, and finding ways to lift up under-recognized communities — were not a part of my role. I wasn’t showing up as my full self or crafting my role in a way that aligned with my values. I needed a reason, beyond a paycheck or a prestigious title, for working. I wanted to make a difference in the world.
Back then, in the early 2000s, feeling “purpose” at work was not a priority for most professionals, and it wasn’t discussed widely among people in my field. Before therapy, I lacked the vocabulary to process what I was feeling. Once I found the words, everything was different.
I didn’t quit. By the end of that year, I began to prioritize aligning my work with my values. I wanted my career to fit into my life instead of vice versa. I became the head coach of the women’s lacrosse team at my institution and discovered more about the student body than I ever had in the classroom.
I learned many players were juggling families, sports, the arts, jobs, and other commitments outside of school. This window into their world inspired me to begin mentoring and practice more creative teaching methods.
When lecturing felt unfulfilling and dry, I introduced the idea of “play” to my students. I held chaotic Lego building competitions, sent them around campus on team scavenger hunts, and hosted relays at a local park to encourage real-life moments of support, compassion, and teamwork.
I redesigned my office hours to make them more joyful and less transactional, allowing people to sign up ahead of time for a short meeting with music and snacks.
I didn’t care that I was the only professor doing these things. I had added my own flare to my role — as a professor, a researcher, a coach, and a mentor. Taking things into my own hands is what eventually made my job feel “dreamy.” Twenty years later, I’m still pushing the limits of what being a full-time professor can look like.
This is why, now, I encourage new graduates — particularly those who are unhappy with their jobs or constantly in search of the next best thing — to take things into their own hands, too. I encourage them to replace the idea of a “dream job” with a “sustainable and purposeful career.”
In other words, to craft a career that will keep them going because it fits into their value system and aligns with their longer-term goals. This isn’t always the advice people want to hear, but in my experience, it’s the most honest and achievable path to fulfillment.
If you’re feeling unhappy or trapped in your current role, remember that you don’t have to say on that path.
Professor of Marketing at Northwestern University. She is also the founder of QuanTâm, a nonprofit that creates opportunities for young professionals to expand their network.
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